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Fleshworld
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Fleshworld - Issue 1 (1992)(Sonic).adf
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FW-39
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1992-04-05
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38 lines
0I Just Hate Yo-yos
³-----------------------------------²«I just hate yo-yos!»³-----------------------------------²By: ¹Shade²/³Sonic²
³Yo-yos²; the plague upon earth. Even as you read this text,
hundreds of children around the world are falling into the dreadful
curse of yo-yoing. And once it begins, there are but a few things which
can stop it.
The whole idea of yo-yoing started when a Japanese business manager
was watching "³The John Carson Show²" on his brand new wide-screen television.
While drinking sake, eating fortune cookies and watching John Carson toss
pencils, he had a "³great²" idea. Why wasn't Carson at all nervous in his show?
Because he tossed pencils! And what does an ordinary person do when he's
nervous? He smokes! By giving every human being a chance to relax by tossing
pencils, he would do a big favor to mankind (³and himself²). But pencils tend
to disappear when thrown. Our business manager added a wire to the
thing, so people could drag their precious pencils back for reuse.
But the yo-yo (named after the business manager, whose name
surprisingly is Yo-yo) ¹didn't² sell too good. Something was missing.
What could it be? While Yo-yo was thinking this problem in his downtown
office, he heard some strange noises from the street below. He ran to the
window and saw a man lying on the street in a pool of blood. The poor guy's
neck had been pierced by a yo-yo (this accident was the first certain death
caused by yo-yoing). Of course; the safety factor was missing! All the later
models would be round, and a special track was also added into the surface
of the yo-yos, thus allowing them to be used to practise hand-eye coordination
(³and stupid tricks²).
This model, sadly enough, became a big success. In a little while, all
the people around the world were yo-yoing, yo-yoing and yo-yoing. And dying.
The side effect of watching the hypnotic yo-yo patterns was madness.
Eventually, one would go insane and usually hang oneself with a yo-yo.
If you ever see anyone yo-yoing, please get that person to join YA
(³Yo-yoers Anonymous²). There his/her problems will be discussed and he/she
will get professional psychological help. Not only will you be saving the
world from the plague, but also investing to the future of your own
children. Let them grow in a new, better world: in a one without yo-yos.
--³Kaihdin², a former yo-yoist, nowadays a YA activist